This is the box I picked up from the post office:

This is the content:

Seriously?

Happy StarCraft 2 day, anyway.

Everyone who has met me in World of Warcraft knows that I’m a pet collector. A pet collector of the crazy kind, even. As such today, the day of patch 3.3, is a good day. Four more little pets have been added to the game: An albino snake and a calico cat, which can simply be purchased, and a pug that will require unknown amounts of dungeon running with strangers. Fun times.

Finally, there is the core hound pup. As much as I will want its little fire dripping maws, I won’t be getting one.

Getting a core hound pup requires having an authenticator attached to your account. I hate authenticator tokens. They’re small and easily lost, they make login take longer, and they run out of battery at the worst times. Not to mention that once you have an authenticator attached, it becomes your only option for logging in, so if it does get lost or damaged, or does run out of battery, you will have to go through a lengthy process involving proving your identity to Blizzard. Really fun times.

If it was just a matter of buying the token, I would. But attaching it to my account? I don’t want that kind of pain, because I’m not an idiot. See, I have a secure user name: It is unique to my WoW account, and not published anywhere. I have a secure password: A randomised, appropriately long string, that is unique to my WoW account, and not published anywhere. I am not vulnerable to phishing: I do not panic and mindless click links in random emails from “Blizzard”, or get my hopes up when someone offers me new mounts or pets for free. My computer is secure: I do not suffer from the self-destructive behaviours that result in viruses and keyloggers being installed.

I do not need the authenticator. I do not need this pet.

[Sinespe] http://anathema-wowhead.blogspot.com/2009/10/gear.html
[Sinespe] Grumble grumble.
[Primar] but purpz meen biggah numbahs
[Primar] alternatively: blizzard hates spriests and we don’t scale with haste and we can’t conjure bunnies out our ass.
[Primar] or something
[Primar] Priests clearly need Shadow Word: Bunny
[Sinespe] I really want to go and edit my game files so that SW: P is renamed Shadow Word: Bunny.
[Sinespe] or Shadow Word: Elephant
[Primar] Power Word: Ham
[Sinespe] Power Word: Thirst
[Primar] “Imbues a party member with ham. Lasts for 30m.”
[Sinespe] Wouldn’t Power Word: Bacon be better?
[Primar] hm
[Primar] possibly
[Sinespe] OH GOD
[Primar] is there a baconesque icon in the game
[Sinespe] If we EVER get a Beacon of Light-style skill in order to catch up with Holy Paladins in terms of healing done
[Sinespe] I WILL call it Power Word: Bacon

Aurora @ Quel’Thalas downs Al’ar for the first time on 2007-oct-28.

Note: This guide is long since outdated. For an updated, very complete, and not to mention just plain awesome guide, go to WarcraftPets.

Vanity mini-pets is one of those little things that make World of Warcraft worth playing. There’s a surprising number of different pets available, and I want to collect them all. I can’t actually get all of them, but at least I can document them—so pet collectors like myself can get as many as possible.

Collector’s Edition only

If you, like me, didn’t get your grubby little hands on the Collector’s Edition of World of Warcraft, you’re out of luck. These aren’t available any other way.

BlizzCon attendees only

What’s round and rainbow-colored, with big eyes, fingers, and toes, and goes, “Grrrrmalrrrrgrrahhhh”? Your very own baby murloc pet, that’s what!

Murky is the cutest little mini-murloc you’ll ever lay your eyes upon, and you can only get him if you bought a ticket to BlizzCon. Yes, you may cry along with me.

There is now a second murloc, Gurky, available. I would appreciate information on how to obtain this pet.

Murky and Gurky will sing and dance for you, with a top hat and cane, at random when idle.

Children’s Week in-game event

The orphans aren’t really pets as such, they are little quest NPCs you carry around with you. Only available from the orphanages in Stormwind and Orgrimmar during the Children’s Week event in the spring. The whistle used to summon the orphan expires after two days of game time, but if you finish the quest series and bring the orphan back to the orphanage, you get to choose between 3 permanent pets (or 5 gold, but if you pick that reward, why are you reading a pet guide in the first place?):

Winter’s Veil in-game event

These mini-pets only drop from the gifts under the tree in Ironforge and Orgrimmar during the Winter’s Veil event around christmas. Summoning the pets requires a Snowball.

Winter’s Little Helper is a tiny little gnome dressed in a santa-like outfit. That should make Karolek happy.

The Tiny Snowman, well, is a snowman. It doesn’t come after you when take it out, but it will dance with you if you target it and do a /dance.

Cats

Most cats can be bought from the crazy cat lady in Elwynn forest. The White Kitten is sold in limited supplies from a little boy wandering about Stormwind. Only the Black Tabby is not easily available to Alliance, as it only drops from mobs friendly to them.

Chickens

Getting the Mechanical Chicken requires completing the three OOX-* quests. When finished with all three, Oglethorpe Obnoticus in Booty Bay will offer you a chicken.

The quest for the Prairie Chicken is probably the funniest quest in the entire game—and a pretty obscure one, so you won’t see too many of those around. Note that Horde can get the Prairie Chicken with the help of an Alliance character: The Alliance character has to do the quest, and get the chicken to lay the egg. The Horde character can then pick up the egg and get their very own Prairie Chicken.

Dragons

With the exception of the Sprite Darter Hatchling, dragons are a bitch to get. Random drops with a drop chance of less than a percent—be ready to kill dragons for days on end, or pay a mount’s worth in gold at the auction house for one.

Frogs/toads

Be sure to get the Tree Frog and Wood Frog from the little running orc boy while the Darkmoon Faire is in town. The Wood Frog is in limited supply, so you’ll need a bit of luck and/or good timing to get it.

The quest for the Jubling is almost as hilarious as the quest for the Prarie Chicken, but requires a trip to Blackrock Depths before you can even start it. But, the Jubling is darn cute, and it drinks dark iron ale. You just don’t find pets like that every day.

Owls

Both owls are sold by Shylenai the owl trainer near the eastern entrance of Darnassus.

Parrots

Getting the Blood Parrot requires dumping your reputation with Booty Bay and getting friendly with the Bloodsail Buccaneers – meaning that the Blood Parrot is one of the rarest pets in the game. Then again, the Hyacinth Macaw only drops from Bloodsail Buccaneers, so with luck you’ll have two new pets by the time you’re friends with Booty Bay again…

Snakes

All snakes are bought from Xan’tish the snake vendor in the Valley of Spirits in Orgrimmar.

Other

The schematics for Lil’ Smokey and the Pet Bombling are only available by renewing your gnomish or goblin engineering membership. The pets are bind on pickup, so only specialized engineers can have one.

To get the schematics for the Tranquil Mechanical Yeti, you have to complete the Are We There, Yeti quest chain, be at least level 55 and have at least 250 skill points in Engineering. Umi Rumplesnicker will then offer to teach you.

The quests for the Smolderweb Hatchling and the Worg Pup are both started by Kibler, and both take place in high-level instances. Sorry, but you’re not getting these until you’re close to level 60.

The Disgusting Oozeling is a rare drop from high-level oozes around the world. It looks like, well, a gob of snot, and has a “disgusting aura” that gives you -15 defense and -15 fire resistance. Like the jubling, the oozeling drinks dark iron ale.

1. It is unnatural for elves to sit. Ever.
2. It’s okay to commit genocide. In fact, the respawn rates makes it a necessity.
3. Three out of four kobolds have no ears.
4. No ungulate has more than one hoof.
5. Some birds have two beaks.
6. Everyone loves to jump. Everywhere. All the time.
7. Everyone loves to dance. Everywhere. All the time.
8. Gnomes have a strange vision impairment that makes everyone, including other gnomes, look tall.
9. Spiders make for good kabobs.
10. Carrying a bag full of dynamite and bombs is completely harmless.
11. Merchants are always willing to buy any and all random animal part you have picked up along the way.
12. There is no such thing as a big enough bag.
13. Yellow dots are the most dangerous thing in the world.
14. Lag is the second most dangerous thing in the world.
15. Gnomes and finnish people are perverted.
16. Male dwarves have no concept of foreplay. Female dwarves have, but its sole ingredient is wealth.
17. Wisps are actually quite useful for personal hygiene.
18. You have to skin sheep to get the wool.
19. The basilisk gene for six legs is dominant.
20. Cats frequently eat gems.
21. Loincloths have pockets.
22. Monsters can innately sense how dangerous you are. If you are dangerous enough, they will ignore you, even if you step on their toes. This danger sense is infallible, and will see right through any attempt to look more or less dangerous.
23. Standing too close to gnome technology may turn you into a chicken. Standing too close to goblin technology may turn you into debris.
24. No-one will ever talk to you unless they want something.
25. Digging into the earth can and will unleash hordes of monsters.
26. The only way to get an egg is to kill the bird.
27. If you are a miner, you may have cookie.
28. A simple bandage will heal any wound.
29. Every cave and mine in the world has one of three possible layouts. You will get lost in two of these.

I have laid my grubby little hands on a copy of Nightlife, and the way-too-slow install process is finally over. Goodbye, life. It was nice knowing you. Maybe we’ll meet again someday.

Hellooo, Nightlife.

World of Warcraft patch 1.7.0 is out, and me, being the hunter-nut that I am, is very busy giggling my head off. I don’t see “increased stable size” anywhere in the patch notes, so I’ll have to choose my new pets with care—and not run around taming anything and everything, like I really want to. My beloved cat Whitefang, that has followed me since level 15 or so, will become a stealthy little bugger, but the most interesting new pet ability—to me, at least—I’ll have to find a scorpid for. Seems I’m off to Tanaris to get myself a new, pink Wiggles…

And there’s shiny new talents to be had. Oooh, so shiny. I hate them all. Before this patch, I had points to spare when I reached level 50, but now I’m about 20 points short of my perfect build. Survival actually looks interesting, dammit. I think my main character Caelyn will remain a Marksmanship hunter, but less so than before. Those so inclined may view my new talent build.

Blizzard needs to implement a balancing factor, Curse Gaming needs to get some real hosting, and I have to get a new keyboard. Dammit.

This message has been brought to you by the part of my brain that wonders why I bother.